What Is Floating In My Head

  • I have to write a graduation speech. Any suggestions for me? I was picked to be the graduation speaker by my peers and I am beyond honored and excited to be the speaker. However I’ve only got a few notes written, and graduation is just a little more than a month away. Plus, the tricky part is that I’m graduating from a creative writing MFA program. You can’t write a sloppy speech if you’re getting your MFA in writing (with a graduating class of other writers).
  • I’ve been trying very hard not to waste money. In doing that, I’m limiting myself to only getting coffee once a week. Besides that, I’m making it myself. Now, I like my homemade iced coffee, but yet I still yearn for a coffee every time I drive by Dunkin. I think I just like it because someone else makes it for me. However, I’ve been putting some of Wolverine’s chocolate powder (for chocolate milk) in my iced coffee and it is making it sooo yummy.
  • I am in a state of half-lists. I keep making lists for work, school, fun, vacations, restaurants I want to eat at, etc. but the problem is that I either write the lists on post-its and lose them, or I write down one or two items but not the whole list!
  • My two blog series, To the Person Who and Weekly Internet finds, are ummm, napping. I promise to have them up again next week. Don’t you worry.

Is It Better Not To Know?

This is a weekly blog series. The links for the previous posts are at the bottom of this post!

To the person who found my blog by searching for……

Is it ever better not to know?

Now, this is a tricky question. I’m pretty much honesty obsessed, so my gut wants to tell you no. I don’t like not knowing things. I like full disclosure. I like to be aware of everything, even the things which may hurt me. I really don’t like when people keep things from me and I prefer to live authentically. So, I think my most honest answer to you would be.. No. It’s never better to not know something.

I mean, what is it you think you may not want to know? Are you wondering if your partner is cheating? If so, then I suggest that you find out the answer to that. Are you wondering who the father of your child is? Yup, I think this is also an important fact to have. Wondering if someone stole your identity after you lost your credit cards? Yet again… This is something I would want to know.

Now, while I’m all about the honesty. I think there are many things in life that can be left to the unknown. Did your partner make a comment under their breath when y’all were arguing? You didn’t hear it and now you’re pissed they aren’t repeating it? Cool it, bud. This is a perfect example of all the things that you do not need to know. Sometimes when people are frustrated they might mutter something hurtful that they honestly do not mean. This is the reason they wouldn’t repeat what they said. Stop badgering them to tell you and forget about it. Other times it might be better not to know:

  • when you’re out to a restaurant enjoying a creamy, cheesy pasta dish or some gooey apple pie…who cares how many calories are in there?
  • a friend/family member gets you an expensive gift…what difference does it make how much they paid for it? Maybe they used a coupon.
  • an ex-boy/girlfriend is tossed in jail for embezzling millions of dollars and you thought they were poor… I would absolutely not want to have any information at a time like this.

You want the truth. There is no easy answer to your search, Like life itself, the answer is situational.

I hope my blog helped shed some light on your search. Best of luck,
Erin

As usual, after I wrote this post, I googled the search term to see what they might have found on my blog. This was found the third link down on page one:

Like this post? Want to read more “To the Person Who…” posts? Click here to learn about: Dinosaur Language or Complaining in Relationships or Billy Collins or Cigarettes In Jail

Sneaking Cigarettes Into Jail

This is a weekly blog series. The links for the previous posts are at the bottom of this post!

To the person who found my blog by searching for……

how to take cigarettes into gwinnett county jail

I don’t even know where to start with this one to be honest with you. Part of me wonders how the hell anyone could find my blog by searching for that, but I’m sure I know what they found. One of my MFA colleagues wrote a post for my Defining Moments Series about spending a weekend in the Gwinnett County Jail. It was a great post actually, and I was fortunate that he agreed to write a second post for this series.

But let us talk about what you’re really wondering: how can one secretly bring in cigarettes to a jail? You definitely must have been super disappointed when you find my blog. Little Miss Sunshine 1) isn’t in jail 2) doesn’t visit jails and 3) doesn’t smoke. Plus, I’m all about the honesty. You want to bring smokes into a jail? Why not try asking? Trust me, if you don’t ask for things, you’ll never know what the answer could have been. Maybe the prison guard would say, “Sure, sweet thang. You bring them smokes on in here.” Now, do I think a prison guard would realistically say that? Probably not, but how would I know?

Now, moving on… Why do you want to smoke in the first place? Hasn’t anyone ever told you how bad smoking is? I quit smoking four and a half years ago. I never thought I could do it, but I did and I couldn’t be happier about it. You should try it too. Want to know another thing you should try? Staying out of trouble! Now, I don’t know if it is you or someone else who wants those cigarettes in jail, but I’m going to make one big assumption here and guess you’re spending time with the wrong crowd. Stop that! Gwinnett County is actually an awesome area north of Atlanta. Go out and find something productive to do with your time! There are so many good restaurants down there. Go out to eat or go shopping or something.

Well, I know you definitely didn’t mean to find this blog, but I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for,
Erin

Like this post? Want to read more “To the Person Who…” posts? Click here to learn about: Dinosaur Language or Complaining in Relationships or Billy Collins

Billy Collins- Are you Kidding Me?

This is a weekly blog series. The links for the previous posts are at the bottom of this post!

To the person who found my blog by searching for……

billy collins are you kidding me?

Before I go any further, I should be honest with you right off the bat. I am not Billy Collins. At first I was going to apologize incase I let you down, but you know what 1) I’m a special person too and 2) you seem a little mad with Billy and I’d rather not have that anger directed toward me.

Let’s talk more about your anger toward Billy Collins. Where is this coming from? What is it that Billy ever did to you? I think this is the kind of information we need to get right out on the table. Is it because Billy was Poet Laureate from 2001 until 2003? Or maybe because the New York Times called him the most popular poet in America? Regardless of your reasons, I think that there might be some jealousy mixed in with your aggression. Last week I mentioned in my letter that change starts with you. If you have jealously and anger issues, I think you should confront them and work through them. Maybe you could even write a poem about it.

Are you upset with something he wrote? I don’t know him personally, but I’m thinking Billy Boy isn’t that much of a kidder. Maybe he’s got jokes, but if you knew him well enough you could probably just email him and ask if he is joking with you. Maybe you don’t know him at all. If that is the case, you should check out some of his writing. Forgetfulness is one of my favorite poems. Also, in writing this letter to you, I’ve learned that he (or the narrator of his poems at least) shovels snow with Buddha and  doesn’t keep a gun in his house.

And now it makes so much sense…You realized that it was him who was behind Taking Off Emily Dickinson’s Clothes. I get it now.

Don’t know how you ended up here, but I surely hope I didn’t disappoint.
Yours,
Erin

Like usual, I googled this search term and found it on the sixth page of results:

Like this post? Want to read more “To the Person Who…” posts? Click here to learn about: Dinosaur Language or Complaining in Relationships

How to Stop Complaining In a Relationship

Last week I started a new blog series of letters from me to the people who find my blog by googling random terms. This week is the second installment.

To the person who found my blog by searching for……

how to stop complaining in a relationship

First, I want to commend you for recognizing that you may be complaining too much, and searching for guidance. While I am by no means a psychologist or a behavior therapist or a relationship counselor, I might be able to help you through this one. There is something you should know about me… I am a serial whiner. I chose the word whine, rather than complain, because I think there is a bit of a difference. I whine about everything: I whine if my belly hurts, if it is too cold. I whine about flossing before bed, about the fact that my dog loves Mr. O more than she loves me. However, I do try not to complain. In my mind, complaining is whining to the extreme without doing anything to change your circumstances. I might whine about flossing, but I’m usually whining about it while I’m flossing my teeth. I might whine about it being too cold, but that’s after I put up the heat and put on a sweatshirt. If there is anything in my life that I feel needs changing– especially in my relationships– I make an effort to make things better.

And that is all that you have to do. Put in some effort. I don’t know what your relationship is like. I don’t know if you’re a person who worries too much and thinks that you might be complaining too much, even though you barely complain at all. I don’t know if you are in fact the biggest, rudest complainer in the whole wide world and your significant other is a saint for staying with you. Either could be true. But if you do feel that you want to change, and you do think you complain too much, I promise you that a little effort does in fact go a long way.

We’re all intelligent enough individuals to know and understand our own thought processes. If you can recognize that you are about to complain about something…. then just pause for a bit. Think about what it is you were about to say, and what your motivations are behind the comment. Let’s just pretend you were about to complain that your significant other spends too much time with his or her friends. Well, why do you feel like that? What is your motivation behind this statement? Do you miss spending quality time with your partner? Are you envious of the close relationships your partner has with other people? Do you wish your relationship with your own friends we are strong as your partner’s relationships? Instead of complaining, think about these questions and then try to figure out a way to CHANGE things. If you identify with any of the above questions then maybe you could: 1) Ask your partner on a date. Tell your partner you’d like to spend a little more time with him or her. Don’t mention their friends. 2) Consider what makes you envious. If you want a closer relationship with your partner, then YOU can make the effort to open up to them. Share a secret with them. And never forget to acknowledge them when they do open up to you. 3) Spend time with your own damn friends. Your relationship will benefit if you both have healthy friendships as well. Follow your partner’s example and nurture your own relationships. Now, these are all just random examples… You could be complaining about anything. I just hope you take away from this letter that you have control over your complaining. You are the person who thinks the thought and then you are also the person who has control how you FEEL the thought. Remember, change always starts with you. If you want your relationship to change, then be the spark that ignites the flame.

Before I end this letter, I want to acknowledge one more quick thing. I think a lot of people complain just to do it or because they don’t know how to change things, but I also think that a lot of people complain because they truly aren’t happy. If you are complaining about your relationship and you know deep down that you honestly aren’t happy with your partner, then… get out. I’ve spent time in useless relationships where I accepted less than I deserved or I just assumed that was the best I could do. What a silly girl I was. If you are complaining because you sincerely don’t wish to remain in your relationship, then don’t waste your time and don’t waste your partners time. Get out there and start living authentically. If you’re honestly happy, you shouldn’t be complaining. You might whine like I do, but you won’t complain.

Best of luck.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope the blog contents didn’t disappoint you,
Erin

Like last time, I googled this search term and here is what I found on page one, as the fourth link from the top (which linked the searcher to this post):

Like this post? Want to read more “To the Person Who…” posts? Click here to learn about: Dinosaur Language

Rawr in Dinosaur Language

It seems like every other week I’m typing up a post on all the incredible search terms people google before finding my blog… But then I get busy or distracted and like usual these posts sit in my draft folder. Enough of that! Even if I only share two or three search terms, I’m going to try to keep this as a regular series on the blog. This was all inspired by a search that found its way to my blog this week. It very well might be my favorite search term since this blog started. So…

To the person who found my blog by searching for……

“Rawr in dinosaur language means I wanna fucking eat you I love you”

I want you to know that while I am not by any means an expert in dinosaurs (you should probably check out my MFA big brother Phil’s blog for any dinosaur inquiries), I do somewhat agree with your statement. Sometimes when I see Mr. O after a workout or after the shower, I do in fact “rawr” at him. Why? Because he looks so sexy!

Now, I can’t speak for the dinosaurs, because I’ve never met one, and I honestly don’t know their language (thanks to Finding Nemo though, I do know whale language in case anyone out there is googling Whale Interpreters, I’m your gal). I’m going to assume though that this would be a term of endearment. I can’t quite articulate why, but this is what I’m thinking…. Dinosaurs who wanted to let other dinosaurs know that they love them and thought they were hot stuff would probably say “RawwwwRRR”. I capitalized those final R’s because I have another important note to make here. I think that articulation is key in the dinosaur world. I’m going out on a ledge here, but I think if one dinosaur wanted to eat another dinosaur (because they looked tasty and the first dinosaur was hungry) they would say “RawwwHHH”. (Go ahead guys, say those two out loud so you know what I’m talking about here. Sounds quite similar, doesn’t it?) So, basically, the only point I am trying to make now, is that if you do find yourself near some dinosaurs growling, you’re going to want to pay some careful attention. If you hear Rawh, you should probably run for your life, because there is going to be a dino-death happening, and that isn’t something you’d want to be a part of. On the same note, if you hear Rawr, you might want to consider finding a new place to spend your time, because you’re about to see some dino-loving if you don’t leave. I myself wouldn’t want to witness either of those experiences.

You might have noticed above that I said I “somewhat” agreed with your search term. I feel it’s  important to point out here that when I “rawr” at Mr. O, I have to intention of having him as my dinner. While I enjoy meat like steaks and such, I am not at all interested in eating any humans (or dinosaurs for that matter). I also am assuming that if I were a dinosaur in real life, I would probably be totally disinterested in eating any other dinosaurs. I know you can’t knock it until you try it, but I’ll stick to the food I’m already eating, thank you.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope the blog contents didn’t disappoint you,
Erin

Sidenote to my regular readers: REALLY? I decided to google that search term to see what on my site might have possible appeared. I found my blog on page three of the google search. It looks like it is a link directly to the blog, and it contains relevant words from at least 3 or 4 recent blog entries… Here is what that internet user found:

This is what you find if you google “Rawr in dinosaur language means I wanna fucking eat you I love you”