This is a weekly blog series. The links for the previous posts are at the bottom of this post!
To the person who found my blog by searching for……
billy collins are you kidding me?
Before I go any further, I should be honest with you right off the bat. I am not Billy Collins. At first I was going to apologize incase I let you down, but you know what 1) I’m a special person too and 2) you seem a little mad with Billy and I’d rather not have that anger directed toward me.
Let’s talk more about your anger toward Billy Collins. Where is this coming from? What is it that Billy ever did to you? I think this is the kind of information we need to get right out on the table. Is it because Billy was Poet Laureate from 2001 until 2003? Or maybe because the New York Times called him the most popular poet in America? Regardless of your reasons, I think that there might be some jealousy mixed in with your aggression. Last week I mentioned in my letter that change starts with you. If you have jealously and anger issues, I think you should confront them and work through them. Maybe you could even write a poem about it.
Are you upset with something he wrote? I don’t know him personally, but I’m thinking Billy Boy isn’t that much of a kidder. Maybe he’s got jokes, but if you knew him well enough you could probably just email him and ask if he is joking with you. Maybe you don’t know him at all. If that is the case, you should check out some of his writing. Forgetfulness is one of my favorite poems. Also, in writing this letter to you, I’ve learned that he (or the narrator of his poems at least) shovels snow with Buddha and  doesn’t keep a gun in his house.
And now it makes so much sense…You realized that it was him who was behind Taking Off Emily Dickinson’s Clothes. I get it now.
Don’t know how you ended up here, but I surely hope I didn’t disappoint.
Yours,
Erin
Like usual, I googled this search term and found it on the sixth page of results:
Like this post? Want to read more “To the Person Who…” posts? Click here to learn about: Dinosaur Language or Complaining in Relationships