If 28 showed you a portrait of who I was…
If 29 was ripe with possibility…
If 30 was for being a better me…
then turning 31 is learning the balance between being selfless and selfish.
It’s my birthday and all I can think about is how this day is not about me.
I woke up in the morning and went to Wolverine’s fall ball game. I spent the day breastfeeding and taking care of a brand new baby. In the afternoon we did a fantasy football draft. Dinner was fun. We actually made it out to a restaurant, and the baby was kind enough to sleep through the dinner so I could eat. That was, however, short lived, as I spent the majority of the evening just trying to get her to sleep and listening to her scream and cry. For a year or two before the baby, Mr. O, Wolverine and I spent our Saturday evenings having a family movie night. We took turns choosing the movies, and we always had some special treat to eat. Well, Mr. O and Wolverine were able to watch the movie together. They got to eat a snack. And when I could finally get the baby to sleep, both of the boys were asleep, and I was alone on my birthday.
Honestly, I mostly didn’t care. I love fall ball. It was fun to do our first family football draft (even though I don’t really watch or know much about football). I was happy that the boysÂ enjoyed themselves. Most of all, I was so pleased to have a baby to feed and calm and snuggle, even if she was crying.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t feel a bit alone at the end of the evening.
So I did the what I thought was best. I grabbed an ice cream cone and a candle, and I made a wish enjoyed my treat in my living room before I went to bed.
So I guess you could say that my first day as a thirty-one-year old was a day that I tried to balance Selfish Erin with Selfless Erin. I definitely didn’t find a balance. I’m not sure I will find it tomorrow, next week, or next month. I might not even figure out how to find the balance before I turn thirty-two. Being selfless is important as a mother and a wife and a good human, but it’s not healthy to be 100% selfless. It’s healthy to be selfish in the sense that I’m taking care of myself and putting my needs first (and sometimes my wants, too).
I don’t think I have it all figured out just yet, but I do know that I like where I’m heading. I’m surrounded by the best people in the world. I have a husband I love who makes sure that all of my needs are met and helps keep our household healthy and happy. I have two beautiful, wonderful children who fill my days with endless joy. I am in awe of them.
So turning 31 went well overall. I look forward to this new phase of my life I’m entering.