I had an incredible evening. It was epic, perfectly epic.
I’m so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. My friends are incredible. My family is amazing. Every where I turn I realize how fortunate I am.
And now I just can’t stop smiling.
Tonight was perfect.
And “long johns” apparently has two G’s…
I thought y’all deserved to see a few pictures from my first ever Polar Bear Plunge. Will I do it again next year…probably! Can’t believe I didn’t hate it like I thought I would. Instead I actually enjoyed it (kind of).
So, I’ve got this thing… It’s called: A GREAT LIFE.
I feel the most myself here on little Ender’s Island during my graduate school residency. I’m surrounded by brilliance in so many shapes and colors and sizes.
There are the teachers who have published remarkable books and memoirs and poetry. The teachers who are passionate about sharing what they know of the craft. The teachers who not only want to help you grow as a student writer, but as an individual- someone who will influence the world in small and large ways. The teachers who are cheerleaders, motivating us whether or not we’ve ever stepped foot in their classroom or their seminars. The teachers, who might write in a different genre than us, but are devoted to our survival and success and honestly invested in our writing and goals for this program and beyond. The teachers you get to know on a personal level. They ask how my dog Fenway is, congratulate me on the birth of my nieces, inquire about my new job.
And the beauty. The beauty of the river as the sun sets in the morning, the snow, the sand, the rocks, the waves, the buildings, the chapels. Pictures will follow for sure.
My peers are remarkable individuals from all walks of life- accountants, teachers, psychiatrists, waiters, census employees, nurses, recent college graduates, people who got their first degree 50 years before, CEOs of large corporations, travel writers, stay at home dads, drummers…. I was blessed with the best FU MFA family. My “big bro” and “little sis” feel real to me, like we share the same cells. I love them. I admire them. I want to emulate their goodness and intelligence.
The biggest lesson this school has taught me and I have absorbed in every cell of my body is to trust in the process. Kind of like a whatever is meant to be will be kind of thing. I don’t questions things here on the island. I don’t worry about who I will get as a mentor or what I will do over the semester for example, because I know that I will get exactly what I need…and I am sure of that. I feel it and know it deep down.
I need to start bringing this feeling and acceptance and intention into other areas of my life.
Today has been a beautiful day. Starting last night: I ate a scrumptious dinner with great friends, listened to three amazing faculty readings (one of which my my mentor from last semester whom I admire more and more and more every single time I listen to him), and then partied the night away with faculty and students on a gorgeous island. We counted down the seconds until 2011 (one of my favorite moments every year) and then I followed my MFA little sister’s Cuban heritage by having 12 red grapes and taking a moment to reflect and think of a goal, well less a goal and more of an intention. I stood up until 5am, woke up early  and then ran into the water with a bunch of other crazy writers for the Polar Bear Plunge. I felt alive. I had lively discussions at lunch, came back to my room and relaxed and landed in a conversation with the wonderful girl across the hall who’s determination and dedication to her writing I admire. I didn’t leave the island to go get a coffee or photograph the Mystic bridge or get some more floss like I had planned. I didn’t nap like I really should have.
I also didn’t complain or worry about everything I didn’t do like I normally would have. Why? Because I was present in every moment of this day. I am alive and experiencing everything- an unexpected conversation, tea instead of coffee, pretzel M&Ms, the rush and burn of the ice cold water- the ache in my shoulders and back mostly because I need some more rest. I didn’t do everything I wanted to do, but I did do everything I should be doing. Trust….in the process….
I have very mixed feelings about resolutions. I’ve mentioned here before that I really like new beginnings in all forms. The first of the month makes me happy. My birthday and new years start my life fresh for me. Weddings, babies, graduations, etc= all fresh starts. But resolutions always feel empty to me.
So…my intent? I intend to be a more dedicated student and writer. I intend to “trust in the process” in all areas of my life. I intend to love my friends and family deeply. I intend to remember to also love myself deeply and treat myself kindly. But most of all… I intend to be brave.
If I had to sum up 2010 in one word, I’d probably choose Change or Opportunity or something in that regards.
For 2011? In 2011, I want my word to be Brave.
I have stitches.
I very well might be taking out my own stitches while I’m away at school.
It will probably happen on New Year’s Eve, the day before I do the Polar Bear Plunge.
I thought about all these facts tonight, and I just realized….
I am pretty damn hardcore. Like I’m pretty much rockstar material. Damn Straight.
I’m still the Trueblood Award Winner until January 5th. I’m gonna keep acting like one until then 😉
So I am pretty excited about the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Now we need to make the right to marry whom you love legal regardless of sexual orientation. In the FCKH8 video I posted last month, one of the people in it made a great point. Well, the whole video made a bunch of great points, but here is something that stood out to me:Â To protect the “sanctity” of marriage, why not try outlawing divorce? Its ridiculous to pretend that we are “protecting” marriage by only allowing heterosexuals to marry. How can that be the right idea? Rush Limbaugh is already on his fourth wife. Which means he has been divorced three times. What do his relationships say about heterosexual marriages? In my opinion, marriage should be about two people who love each other, who are willing to put in the effort it takes to be in a relationship (for life). It shouldn’t make a difference who you are marrying.
So you know, I can’t help but watch Say Yes To The Dress marathons on tv.
On another note, I was just watching something on the news about the process of designing book jackets. As a future bestselling author, the whole process was really interesting to me. Especially because as a book buyer, what the book looks like is hugely important to me. Unless I am going to purchase a specific book, I sure as hell am influenced by the book looks like. I own probably over 300 books, and I’d say i truly like 85% of the covers. In the middle of the show, someone  said this, “What’s on our shelves can be as telling as what’s on our walls.” Love it.
Earlier today I mentioned that I usually have striking thoughts at “12:24am” of possible blog posts, writing ideas, etc.
Well, its 12:33am and as much as I was hoping some magical thoughts would appear, they’ve appeared to allude me this evening. Did I mention though that I finally received my MacBook Pro in the mail tonight? The jury is still out on how I feel about this new computer. Part of me is so excited, and I just can’t hide it, but then the other part of me feels like I’m Sleeping Beauty waiting for that damn kiss already! But, I’ve tried to play a little tonight, and I am head over heels in love with the PhotoBooth application. I might look like a hot mess, but I swear this will majorly help me with my 101 in 1001 project. I thought I’d share with you one of this evenings masterpieces:
There is one more thing I want to address. Someone found my blog the other day by searching for “Fairfield MFA”….yikes! I wish I were actually writing more posts, because I kind of feel like a bad representation of the student body. Regardless though, if that person ever comes back to read me again… WELCOME, and feel free to ask me anything you want to know about Fairfield and the MFA program. I am finishing up my first semester in the program, and in all honesty, I am head over heels completely in love with the school. I had a ridiculously hard time trying to decide which offer I should take for MFA programs, and after the decision was made, it was impossible for me to look back. It seems like every day that program surprises me with wonderful, exciting, new opportunities, etc. Also, the staff (and students) are simply jaw dropping superb. So send me an email or leave me a comment, and we can chat more.
Just don’t judge the program by my cliches or bad grammar or lack of capitalization. Yeah, that’s not a good idea 😉
It seems like every night before I fall asleep at about 12:24am, Â I think of a thousand things to blog about. Plus, those ideas all seem so interesting at the time. Unfortunately, I don’t really remember them once I wake up, and even if I do remember the ideas, they really aren’t as novel as I thought them to be the night before.
The writing for NaNoWriMo is going very slow, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to make the 50,000 words. I’m being to hard on myself when it comes to the writing. I’m trying to edit too much; I’ve got too many negative thoughts, like “My stories aren’t important,” or “I’m an awful writer.” So what happens is that I either withdraw and stop writing completely or that I write crap and delete it, which is ridiculous. I want to have faith in this process, but I know that I’ve pretty much sabotaged my possible success. I understand so many other people who are doing NaNoWriMo feel the same way as me, but I’m just frustrated with myself. Lets all keep our fingers crossed that I make the word count.
So, I’ve got big news. If you follow me on facebook, you’re probably sick of my complaining about this and my millions of questions about it, but if not then you should probably know……that I bought a MacBook Pro!I won’t be able to afford to send my future children to college, but at least I’ll have a shiny new toy. I’m totally nervous about changing from a regular PC to an Apple. I’m very comfortable with my PC; unlike so many other people, I’ve never really had any problems with my computers. I’ve had some minor irritations here and there, but I don’t dislike the operating system. So why did I go Mac? I don’t know. I think the mystery of the Mac Obsession intrigued me. So many people responded to my questions about Macs and told me about their undying love for the Apple brand, but I just wasn’t sure what the big deal was. So I pretty much spent a huge amount of money to figure out what big deal is. So far, from all the tutorials on the website were super helpful and easy to understand. So it makes me excited to get it and use it!
Well, I’m going to end this for now, but I promise to be back soon with hopefully something much more interesting to say.
I love this! I know its old, but I didn’t have a chance to sit here and write up a long post this evening. So instead I chose to share a fun little video with you 🙂 I literally didn’t write ANYTHING that pertained to NaNoWriMo last night 🙁 But I have managed to get in 2,225 so far today, and I’m expecting there to be more. I’ll try to upload the exact number of words before 12a. But for now, I hope you enjoy!
Seriously? I have no words, because this is the best video I have watched in the longest time. You better believe I am going to go get a tee shirt now 🙂 FCKH8!
My life is boring when I have no crushes. Its fun to look forward to talking to someone or running into that person when you least expect it. I seriously doubt that I will ever in my entire life stop finding people to crush on. There is something special about it, something whimsical.
There really are no rules to it either.
I mean, there are the legitimate crushes in which you are actually interested in another person. You keep the phone near you in case he calls; you scrutinize all the clothing in your closet to plan the perfect outfit for your dates, even if he’ll barely notice; you truly want to get to know him, possibly start a relationship. I haven’t had a legitimate crush in a while, but I’m starting to wonder if one is in the works. A very handsome man sent me a silly picture message yesterday of tacos, and I giggled. Later that night I found out he really liked Grey’s Anatomy, and I swear my heart skipped a beat (its obviously pretty easy to make me happy). There is a possibility that I might have a legitimate crush on him. Just not sure if I’m ready to admit it yet.
Then there are the acquaintance or stranger crushes… someone you run into at your office, the gym, the supermarket. Someone you might have some association with, but barely enough to really get to know the other person. These are always fun, and I find myself crushing on so many guys I may never even see again- the nice man who helped the little old lady put her grocery bags into the trunk of her car a few days ago or the very handsome man who I met in the elevator at work (even though I totally embarassed myself in front of him).
And, of course, I can’t forget about celebrity crushes. Totally self explanatory too. I could pretty much just keep a running list of my favorites, because it changes all the time: Channing Tatum, Richard Gere, Matt Long, Mike Lowell, Colin Farrell, the list could go on and on and on.
But sometimes I crush in totally non-romantic ways. I get crushes on women celebrities when I watch awards shows and see them in their amazingly gorgeous dresses. I crush on blog friends, because some of the people I’m friends with on here are just so wonderful that it hurts (check out my blogroll if you’re looking for a good time). I crush on my real life girl friends all of the time, because I am fortunate to know the most amazing women alive. I’ve been crushing on all the people in my group since I started my new job last month, because they are just fantastic.
I think crushes are incredibly healthy and normal. Especially right now in my life. I am a 26 year old, single, childless, graduate student who works way too much for her own good. I’ve been out of a “real” (ha) relationship for about two years. I’ve dated a few people in that time… some just to fill the lonely spaces and some I was actually interested in.
There have been moments that I’ve longed to be in a relationship.  Moments when I’m in bed alone at night and I wished and wished I had a warm body beside mine that I could cuddle up to, feel his breath on my neck, hold his hand- and not just any warm body. I could easily have any random warm body in my bed if I so chose to, but that’s just not what I want. There have been other moments, like when I attended my first residency of graduate school, and my new friends would excuse themselves to call their respective boyfriends or husbands. The only person I could think of to call at the time was my best friend, and she was away on a cruise! Weddings have been tough, too. I’ve been to endless weddings in the past two years, one of which was my brother’s wedding and three of which were my closest friends’ weddings.  There I was- completely alone- celebrating the love of two people I care about deeply, surrounded by other wonderful friends who were there with their significant others. In moments like these, I feel deeply lonely.
BUT…don’t feel too sorry for me, because these past two years have probably been the happiest, most motivating years of my life. I’ve grown (unfortunately not physically :), I’m still the short kid) and for the first time, I feel very comfortable in my own shoes. I have a much better understanding of who I am, what I want and where I’d like to be. I’ve got great friends, family and the best dog in the whole wide world. I’m so busy with school, work and my social life that I honestly barely have time to acknowledge the fact that I’m not in a relationship. Basically, my life is full, very full.
There really is not a “point” to this post. I think what I am trying to say, is that I’m at a crux.
Do I want to be in a relationship? Do I want to stay single?
Its not like any of these questions can or will be answered easily or right away. Even if I knew the answer, it isn’t like there is a handsome, kind, happy, personable man who is just sitting there, waiting for me to start a relationship with him. But what I do know for sure, is that I love, love, love to crush. I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see if my crushes develop into anything like a relationship, or if they end up a passing fancy.
I’ve always looked forward to starting a new journal- all the crisp white pages just waiting for stories to be written on them. But at the same time, I get quite nervous about how to begin. I feel like I need to tell my entire story right away, like I must update this new book on everything important in my life, but for what point? When a new chapter begins in your life, you don’t really do a synopsis on what has already taken place.
So here I am… at another blank page of sorts. The idea of starting reinventingerin (dot) com has been brewing for quite some time. But how do I begin? What should I start the “blank first page” off with?
Cheers!
