picking myself up again

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in getting up every time we do.” – Confucius

I wasn’t sure what to blog about today, so I asked my friend Micaela. (I’m trying to make this month my final go at NaBloPoMo). Micaela is the kind soul who picked me up and drove me to work for 3 month straight after I 1) broke my foot and 2) got hit by a drunk driver. So, her soultion was to read me a few quotes, and just let them inspire me for today’s post.

The idea behind this quote has always meant a lot to me. I’ve “fallen down” many times in my life, but the moments I’ve felt most true to myself were those terrible scary moments that I picked myself up, dusted myself off and set off to make things right.

What do you think? Which moments taught you the most about yourself: the moments you actually “fell” or the moments you picked yourself back up again?

MLK Quote

I was talking to Micaela about  Osama bin Ladin’s death and my sordid emotions, and she sent me a quote I really liked, so I’m sharing it with you. I asked her if she minded if I shared it on my blog, and she said “Nah, I don’t think Martin Luther King would mind too much.

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” -Martin Luther King, Jr

billboards= blog posts

I am in love.

I keep telling my boyfriend (aka Mr. O) that I’m going to buy a billboard on the local highway and declare my love for him. He thinks I’m silly. I’m serious; I just don’t happen to have the money to be able to pull this off. I keep thinking about this nonexistent billboard too. I feel like I’m just bursting with love, and I want the whole wide world to know about it. Granted the whole wide world isn’t travelling through my hometown highway, but you get the point. I’m in love and I want everyone to know. So what’s a girl to do when she can’t devote her love to her guy via a humongous poster in the sky?

Write a blog post about it.

I feel very protective about my relationship. He is a pretty private person. I, on the other hand, tend to live a pretty public life. But it isn’t necessarily his need for privacy that I am trying to protect. I’m protective because I love what I have, and I refuse to let outside influences impact my relationship. So this creates a possible conundrum. What to share and what to keep to myself?

I try to keep slightly mum about Mr. O on the blog. I mean, I’ve written about how I am in a relationship, mentioned him quite a bit, but the details have been very vague. Here is some random information:

He is the sexiest man alive. It is true. I’m so attracted to him. Sometimes I just want to stare at him (well, more like all the time, but sometimes sounds less creepy). He is a fantastic father, and I love watching him with his son. He tickles me…like tickles me a lot. He opens my car doors for me; he surprises me, my mom and both my grandmothers with flowers. He nurtures his friendships. He remembers EVERY SINGLE THING. I’m sure you could guess how important this would be to a girl who can’t remember what she said two sentences before. He cares about my writing. He goes out of his way to do stuff like cook dinner or wash the dishes so that I can have more time to do my homework or write a blog post.

He amazes me. Our commitment to our relationship amazes me. Having a partner who is truly just as committed to your union as you are is one of the greatest gifts you can ever receive in your life.

Being with Mr. O has made me want to be a better Erin. Not for him, not for our us, but for me. I feel good. I feel alive. I know that our love is a huge reason why I feel so grounded and safe and comfortable in life right now. I like who I am. I want to live in the present every moment of every day.

So while I may not be able to rent a billboard, I am totally able to write a blog post.

Thank you, Mr. O…. I love you.

“Oh I’ll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I’ll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we’ll be alright
I will stay with you”
-JL

perception

‘We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are’
– Anais Nin

I’ve had the quote in my draft folder, but never really got around to blogging about how I feel about it. Isn’t it so true? This can be related to pretty much anything in life: divorce, religion, friendships, books, whatever. I’ve been reading my first book of the semester:  Bill Roorbach’s Writing Life Stories, and I think this quote really sums up my new attitude on nonfiction writing.

I worry all the time about my writing. I worry that I’m not good enough, that I’m just sneaking by on a little bit of talent and a super cheery disposition. I worry that my memory will fault me, that somehow I will misrepresent some facts, in turn upsetting someone. I worry so much about the “Truth” and perception, but I think its about time to put that worry in a box for a little while.

Worrying actually does help me. It forces me to be true to my own story. If I didn’t worry about trying to be honest, then I would be quite concerned about the story I was producing. But instead of letting worry stifle me, how about just accepting it?

It is impossible not to be influenced by your own perception of events as a writer. We all absorb our own lives and the events shape us into the product we are today. The water that enters a sponge is forever changed after you ring it dry.

Wow, this was in my draft folder. I’m guessing I started it early January, since I mentioned reading “my first craft book of the semester”. I don’t remember even writing this…must have been one night on the pain killers for my foot…just kidding. I like it though. I like it a lot. Why can’t I just trust in the process when I am not on Ender’s Island?