Reading: Colic Solved, by Bryan Vartabedian

Guys, I finally got a library card, and I am so excited about it. My reading time with a newborn is pretty sparse, but it is still so fun to place holds on books I’ve been wanting to read instead of buying them all, when I’m not even sure the book is what I’m looking for.

In family news, Wolverine started the “Book It” reading program at his school. Did you guys do this when you were a kid? I did, and because I was a super geek, I loved the program then just as much as I love it now. The only bummer is that Wolverine doesn’t so much love Pizza Hut, and that’s the reward for the reading. Oh, well. He’s a kid that enjoys competition, so I’m sure he will still enjoy the “Book It” program (almost) as much as I did.

Listening: I don’t know why it took me this long, but I finally figured out a smart way to spend my time while breastfeeding in the middle of the night. In the past two months I had spent those hours checking email or scrolling through Facebook or clicking on every app in my phone. Well, that and watching television with no volume in my bedroom. Have I ever mentioned that I only really get about one good station in my bedroom? Yeah, the struggle was real. I don’t know why I feel the need to fill all my moments of time, but let’s just say it was monotonous and boring after a while.

Anyway, On October 1st, something clicked, and I brought my headphones to my normal nursing area and started listening to my audiobooks on my cell phone while feeding the baby. This was perfect because I wouldn’t wake up Mr. O with the volume, but I’d have something “productive” to do. Can you tell I’m pretty excited about this?

Excited: to begin the process of putting together issue 07 for Spry Literary Journal. I hate declining work, but I love accepting the prose and poetry of so many talented writers.

Watching: Just started watching Walking Dead and Blacklist again now that the shows are back on the air. Also going through my Netflix queue and watching a bunch of documentaries. I’ll tell you if I find anything I like a lot.

Wearing: the same outfits over and over again.

Wishing: I spoke way too soon last month when I wished that the baby would continue to take a bottle. Let’s just say that she took a bottle for about a week and has since refused it. Since my last post I’ve purchased probably all of the recommended bottles for breastfed babies, and we’re working our way through them to see what she will like best. I could honestly use some positive thoughts on this one, so send them my way. Also, I’ll take any advice on the subject, if you have any.

Update as of 10/15: the baby started taking the bottle again! She’s been consistantly drinking at least one bottle a day (sometimes it’s only a half ounce, other times it’s almost four ounces!) for about a week or so, and I couldn’t be happier. (But the above still holds true. It took about a month to get her to drink from a bottle again!)

Drinking: Trying to drink as much water as possible to stay hydrated. Some days I drink about 80oz of water. Other days I only make about 20 oz. My goal is 65oz a day for the month of October.

Loving: my family.

Loathing: the head cold that the baby and I got at the beginning of the month. I hate being sick, but it is so much worse when you are sick, and you have a sick baby. There’s nothing worse than seeing your child suffer and not be able to do much about it (and feeling ill at the same time!).

Admiring: working mothers. My maternity leave ends at the end of this month, and let me tell you, I am not ready for it to be over. This entire leave has flown by. When you’re a new mom, your head is so in the clouds just keeping up with every new struggle, change, milestone met, etc. I really feel as if I just had the baby a few weeks ago; I can’t believe she is almost three months old.

But back to the point. When I was on maternity leave, I missed work… a lot. I missed being productive and feeling as if I had real brain cells and good ideas. There is a part of me that is so excited about returning to work. I miss my friends. I miss my clients. I miss the feeling of creativity and meeting deadlines and everything that comes along with my position. I’ve always been a hard worker, so it’s been tough in many ways to be home.

On the flip side, I love being a mother. I love being home with my baby, and time flies by so quickly that I feel as if I have barely experienced it all. Part of me is just so nervous to go back to work because I won’t be able to take care of my baby. Will she eat while I’m gone? (Remember, she is refusing the bottle). Will she cry the entire time I’m gone? Will someone be there to comfort her? Will we be able to take care of her ourselves or will we need to get her in daycare asap? How will we know which daycare to send her to? Will it be safe? Can we afford it? Regardless of who she is with while I’m at work, I’m worried about what her day will look like.

Living this working professional/new mom life has really opened my eyes to the struggle of women who want a career and a family as well. If you ask me, it seems almost impossible to be fully vested in both. Maybe that is just my nerves talking, but even before I begin, I can’t imagine being able to give 100% of myself to both areas. And I don’t want either to suffer, because I truly love both areas of my life.

So I admire you working moms who make it all happen. I admire you for staying true to yourself and your career goals, while also doing what is best for your family.

How has October treated you so far? Fall is in the air here in Massachusetts, and I’m already nervous about the upcoming winter. Right now I’m just trying to enjoy this beautiful season, and I hope you are, too!

Check out what I was doing, thinking, and feeling in January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, and September.