I don’t do this very often, but it has been nine days since I last posted, and I’m not only feeling guilty about the time I’ve been away, but my brain is exhausted with all that I’ve absorbed at my residency for school. So I’ve decided to take a risk. I’m going to post a first draft of something I wrote while in my second nonfiction workshop. We had just read a few short stories and discussed the sentences that just seemed to jump right off of the page. We were instructed to take a sentence and try to imitate it. Imitate great writers? Yeah, that makes me nervous. But anyway, one of the stories I read was from a collection of essays by Abigail Thomas. I liked it because the language was so plain, yet the sentiment was so strong. I wanted to challenge myself on this one, and I really, really liked how it turned out. I don’t remember what it was exactly, but I think her sentence was something like, “He still likes hamburgers.” Here goes nothing!

His favorite food is Pho. He likes his hamburgers with only mustard. He hates mayonnaise. I may have fallen in love with him the moment he told me that.

“Mayonnaise? Yuck,” he said. “Mayonnaise is fucking disgusting.” Here we were, two creatures searching for partnership on this lonely planet, only to find another soul to not eat mayo with.

We already decided to write our wedding vows. I never thought  I’d marry a man who’d be willing to sit, ponder, ruminate on why, just why I am the woman he chose and what, just what he vows to me on the day we face our families, face our friends and commit our lives to each other.

But here he is. Here is the man who introduced me to his Pho; here is the man who corageously ate oysters and sushi because that’s what I like. Here is the man who buys me flowers. “Epic” lilies of the valley on our first date; a multipack of peony bulbs to share: one for each generation- my mother, my mom mom and myself; a bouquet of daisies for my grandmother on her 100th birthday, even though he’d never met her and we’d only been dating one week; sunflowers on a day I couldn’t even recognize myself, to remind me of my nickname: Little Miss Sunshine; a plant when he visits me at school so I can absorb the beauty the entire time I’m here, and I can remember the residency when I plant them in the warm earth upon returning home.

You walk around the world since birth meeting people, observing their quirks, their personalities, how they treat the people around them. And then one day, if you’re lucky, you stumble upon a person who, well– doesn’t complete you and doesn’t make you a better person and doesn’t need you– but someone who recognizes you, someone who sees that something in you that doesn’t exist in the sea of others.

And if you’re really lucky; you’ll see that something in them too.

I am in love.

I keep telling my boyfriend (aka Mr. O) that I’m going to buy a billboard on the local highway and declare my love for him. He thinks I’m silly. I’m serious; I just don’t happen to have the money to be able to pull this off. I keep thinking about this nonexistent billboard too. I feel like I’m just bursting with love, and I want the whole wide world to know about it. Granted the whole wide world isn’t travelling through my hometown highway, but you get the point. I’m in love and I want everyone to know. So what’s a girl to do when she can’t devote her love to her guy via a humongous poster in the sky?

Write a blog post about it.

I feel very protective about my relationship. He is a pretty private person. I, on the other hand, tend to live a pretty public life. But it isn’t necessarily his need for privacy that I am trying to protect. I’m protective because I love what I have, and I refuse to let outside influences impact my relationship. So this creates a possible conundrum. What to share and what to keep to myself?

I try to keep slightly mum about Mr. O on the blog. I mean, I’ve written about how I am in a relationship, mentioned him quite a bit, but the details have been very vague. Here is some random information:

He is the sexiest man alive. It is true. I’m so attracted to him. Sometimes I just want to stare at him (well, more like all the time, but sometimes sounds less creepy). He is a fantastic father, and I love watching him with his son. He tickles me…like tickles me a lot. He opens my car doors for me; he surprises me, my mom and both my grandmothers with flowers. He nurtures his friendships. He remembers EVERY SINGLE THING. I’m sure you could guess how important this would be to a girl who can’t remember what she said two sentences before. He cares about my writing. He goes out of his way to do stuff like cook dinner or wash the dishes so that I can have more time to do my homework or write a blog post.

He amazes me. Our commitment to our relationship amazes me. Having a partner who is truly just as committed to your union as you are is one of the greatest gifts you can ever receive in your life.

Being with Mr. O has made me want to be a better Erin. Not for him, not for our us, but for me. I feel good. I feel alive. I know that our love is a huge reason why I feel so grounded and safe and comfortable in life right now. I like who I am. I want to live in the present every moment of every day.

So while I may not be able to rent a billboard, I am totally able to write a blog post.

Thank you, Mr. O…. I love you.

“Oh I’ll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I’ll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we’ll be alright
I will stay with you”
-JL

The Elusive Happy. I think I’ve found it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been very happy the past couple years. I’ve surrounded myself with good people, and in turn have been rewarded with so many incredible experiences. I’m fortunate to have deep bonds with the people I include in my life. Environment is key, and mine is healthy.

I’ve pushed myself to take chances in my career as well as my education. Leaving my former job was an extremely difficult decision. I had started working there when I was only 17 years old. The people there became my family. They surprised me out one night to watch me sing in a karaoke contest. They suggested I audition for American Idol- one of the ladies even went so far to offer me her father’s house (which was near the venue) for the evening! They were there for my high school graduation, college graduation and my acceptance into graduate school. Needless to say it isn’t easy to leave an environment where you have such history to start fresh in a completely different atmosphere. Yet, things turned out wonderfully. I’m still learning at my new job, but I work with a group of people who I truly care about. People I get, and who get me.

School? I can’t say enough about it. Obviously y’all know that since school is all I seem to talk about on here lately. I love my teachers, the administration, my peers, the reading, the writing, Ender’s Island. I love being able to call myself a student again. I love everything about it.

My family has grown so much in the past couple of years as well. I can’t claim any credit for that though. Since 2007, I now have three beautiful nieces and one handsome nephew. They (and Fenway) are the loves of my life. Watching them grow (even though I request almost daily that the oldest two stop growing… the youngest two don’t speak quite yet) has been probably the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced.

And now? Now I’ve got this guy in my life. A guy who loves his friends and family with all his heart. A guy who is kind. A guy who is relaxed, who doesn’t let little things bother him. A guy who will show up at my house with flowers for my grandmother’s birthday, even though we had only been dating for about a week. A guy who jumps out of his comfort level to try things like sushi just because I love it. A guy who makes lists with me (you all know how strongly I feel about lists) about all the things we want to do together. A guy who has made room for me in his life. A guy who I know will be in my life for quite some time.

So, The Elusive Happy?

I wonder if it just creeped up on me throughout the maze of these past two years. I feel like I’ve had this thing called happy all along. It’s just….It’s just that I’m taking a second to recognize it.

I am very, very blessed, folks. I’m at a place in my life where I know who I am, what I want, why I want these things, and where I belong. And all I can really say about it all? Life…is…good.

I wish you recognition of your own elusive happy.

I had an incredible evening. It was epic, perfectly epic.
I’m so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. My friends are incredible. My family is amazing. Every where I turn I realize how fortunate I am.
And now I just can’t stop smiling.
Tonight was perfect.

And “long johns” apparently has two G’s…

This… is how I roll.

Via: Party Like a Zombie